pumpkins, tractors, and choo choos...oh my!

there is so much i want to share. what i am learning...how God is carrying us through the sadness...how full of simple joy our days have been lately. and yet i know that writing that post may take longer than i have right now. i am doing well--clearly not because of my own stability, but most definitely because of God's mercy and grace...His faithful love is carrying us through this...teaching us, comforting us, upholding us. we have been blessed beyond measure by the arrival of meals, cards, flowers...the offers of babysitting...and on and on. perhaps one of the things God has used most as a balm to our aching hearts is our sweet girls...and the love of others who have gone through miscarriages (not to in any way detract from the love and encouragement of those who haven't been there). last night we had a game night with friends (friends who we've just recently gotten to know...who also happened to have miscarried last spring), and it was such a blessing to just be together...to laugh, to share, to grieve together, to know they too have been there. good stuff. i am praying that this week i might finally be able to tackle some of the everyday "stuff" that has been building up...

but for now i simply wanted to show you a slice of our weekend...our trip on the pumpkin train today. we went to church early, grabbed some lunch, and then headed for the choo-choo! we met some of our library time friends and along with pumpkins, tractors, and choo-choos we also had a little birthday celebration for libs. fun times! we took a real train ride (on the train in the picture at the start of the post!) for about 15-20 minutes to a pumpkin patch, petting zoo, and straw maze...and, of course, much to elizabeth's delight there were some tractors there as well! anyway...here are some glimpses of our fun. (can you believe it was 80 degrees...not quite the autumn weather we were expecting when we reserved our tickets...but fun nonetheless!).


three excited train riders!



kate--taking in the scenery

our five little pumpkins

libs and daddy checking out the pumpkins

kate and mommy

lovin' my girls

tractor drivin' sisters



elizabeth with her carefully selected pumpkin

daddy and his gator

sittin' on the choo choo



libbers and the BIG tractor...i think this might have been her favorite moment of the day

the fam!

i think i made it into more pictures today than i have in the past year!

and, of course, presents for the birthday girl!

and still we smile...

this isn't officially ten smile tuesday...simply a collection of little blessings in the past week. we were blessed by a day of togetherness...the four of us celebrating elizabeth's birthday. yes, the tears did fill our eyes at moments...and yet, laughter filled the air as well. we are blessed....even by the things in life that are painful. i am thankful that we were able to get out of the house today...take a trip to the museum...enjoy a birthday breakfast at the local donut shop...simply savoring the simple things in life...delighting in the joy of our daughters...delighting in each other. you see friends, we do not grieve without hope...we do not despair. i cannot even begin to describe how incredibly carried by the God of peace we have been. He is holding us steady...giving us grace at the very moment we need it...filling our hearts with rejoicing even as we mourn.
.
riding the carousel

driving the bulldozer

sisters!

our little walking gator (aka.."drool monster"!)

we were blessed by not only one. not only two. but three separate deliveries of gorgeous flowers. like leslie was a few weeks ago, i was absolutely blown away when "the internet" sent me flowers. you incredible girls...thank you for thinking of us...thank you for praying for us...thank you for being with us in this time.

this lovely bouquet was from "the internet" :)

this lovely arrangement was compliments of my Bible study

...and another gorgeous fall bouquet from our church..

and of course i have to share some pictures of our now three year old elizabeth. i cannot believe how quickly three years have zipped past. last night in the car kate was crying, and elizabeth starting singing to her...oh the incredible sweetness of her little voice, soothing her sister....oh the blessing of hearing her praising Jesus in song. of course, it filled my already weepy eyes with fresh tears. if you asked elizabeth what she did on her birthday she would be sure to start by telling you about the "wiggle donut with cimmanen" she had for breakfast...and, of course, she would mention sitting on the big tall stool at the donut shop and watching the cars go by on main street. then she would tell you we went to the children's museum, and of course, she would proudly report that since she is officially three, she is old enough to ride the carousel horses that go up and down (this, my friends, is a BIG deal!). she would be sure to mention seeing the "dinoSAURS!" and choo-choos...and would most likely tell you that she drove a bulldozer with her daddy. she would be sure to mention going outside on her swingset (the one that "my daddy and my poppy built!") to take some birthday girl pictures. she would probably tell you that she received LOTS of phone calls from people who love her--and those lucky folks got to hear about this day from her sweet little voice! of course, she'd want to tell you that she got to sit on daddy's lap and open two presents...the curious george movie and some lacing shapes. and of course, no birthday would be complete without blowing out candles on some chocolate cake (good thing three year olds don't care whether its a "real" cake or just a warm delight bowl mom got as a free sample and whipped out at the last minute!). as for the rest of the fam...if you asked us about the day, we'd simply say we were darn lucky to spend it with such a fabulous, funny, beautiful, special girl. we love you libbers!

...and finally...a few last things we are smiling about.

the blessing of incredible friends and family who've come alongside of us and helped us in the past week. my mom came and stayed with us for three days...cleaning, cooking, taking care of the girls and me. my dear friend jill spent two days at our house...loving and serving us. mike's parents came saturday with yummy chili and an early birthday celebration for libs. our sweet friend jamie watched the girls tuesday during our appointment and then kept them into the afternoon so we'd have some processing time. she also watched the girls during our first appointment and rushed dinner over the first night of my bedrest...taking care of us while we were still reeling from the news that something was amiss. our dear friend nancy drove all the way across the city to bring us dinner one night...and she has loved, encouraged, and blessed us by sharing her own experience. a dear friend i have only just met in the past couple of weeks brought us dinner last night. our cup runneth over with blessings and love from the people around us.

grandmommy reads to miss elizabeth

elizabeth enjoying some chocolate cake grandma and grandpa brought over

though i was couch bound for a week, i had the privilege of watching miss kate take her first walk across the room (right straight to her daddy when he arrived home from work i might mention...looks like we've got another daddy's girl!). oh how sweet to be a captive audience for the debut week of crawling...i hope to post some of the video was captured very soon.


and this. a willow tree angel to add to my collection. mike and i picked this out yesterday...with tears streaming down our face at hallmark. how thankful i am that my husband didn't think i was silly for wanting something to have in front of us...a visual "remembrance" of sorts. in fact, he also suggested planting a tree in our yard as a sort of memorial...something we will be heading to do this weekend.


and so dear friends...we are blessed beyond measure. we serve a God who is ever faithful and oh so God. we are blessed by this trial, as it is showing us the intimate tenderness of our Father, our refuge and our rock.

God is STILL Good

Dearest friends...this is simply a cut and paste of an e-mail I sent out...I will be back...I will share more as we work our way through this process...a process of grieving with hope...but I at least wanted to fill you in. Pray that our hearts would be filled with rejoicing as well tomorrow as we celebrate the milestone of Elizabeth's third birthday....

Thank you all for your prayers. We had our appointment this morning and found out that we indeed miscarried. Obviously it has been an emotion-filled day for us...definitely grief but also rejoicing as we reflect on what God is doing in our lives. We are amazed by the reality of being in a place where you hurt like crazy and yet can also stand at the same time and say, "God is good" from the depth of your heart. We have had the past week to be in prayer and in the Word, fixing our eyes on Jesus, and preparing for whatever was to come, and underneath all of this we are walking in an abiding peace and assure of His love and goodness. Last night I was reminded of the truth from Colossians 1:16-17 that "He is before all things and in Him all things hold together." He is holding us together...drawing us unto Himself...and revealing His mercies that are new every moment.

Please continue to lift us up as we work through the grieving and emotions and continue in the day to day. I am praising Jesus that in spite of a heavy heart I am once again able to lift up my girls and hold them close to me in these moments...

Amanda :)

Spilling the Beans...in More Ways Than One

so today is the day to spill the beans...in more ways than

one, really.

 i'll start with the big fun secret...that many of you have already read about

on other blogs.  the big ol' baby shower

for miss leslie (over at happily ever after--sorry i can't hyperlink it from my

couch "computer"--more on that later).  a little over a month ago i received an

e-mail from some lovely blog world friends who wanted to show the beautiful

leslie some love....via an internet baby shower.  and so the secret plotting and planning

began...the sending of lovely quilt fabric scraps from sweet Chelle...the

creating of lovely little gifts...the praying for sweet baby cade...so much

love in one secret little blog.  and

voila...last night the cat was let out of the bag as susan, a real world friend

of leslie's surprised her with the gifts and the blog site...

head on over to check out the shower and to wish leslie a happy last fwe days

or weeks of pregnancy.  while you are

there you will meet some incredible women!

www.showersofblessingforcade.blogspot.com  (i'd love to hyperlink that as well...or add

the lovely little button wendi designed...but alas, my wii internet browser

isn't that savy!).

this brings me to "secret" number two...not so much a secret, and

quite honestly not something i was sure i would put out there in

blog-land.  but the ladies over at

showers of blessings know...as do some of my other bloggity land friends...and

all of our real world friends...and to be honest, it has been heavy on my heart

to share...to simply be real with where i am right now....

i'm on the couch...on bedrest...we were blessed to be surprised with the news

that we were pregnant with our third little "yak" just a few weeks

ago.  incredibly surprised...incredibly

delighted by the news.  and then just a

week ago i started having some complications...complications that have led my

ob to put me on very strict bedrest...the kind where i am only supposed to get

up to use the facilities type bedrest.

in the past week we've run the whole gamut of emotions...hope and

trust...fear and frustration...anger...back to trust...back to fear...and on

and on.  we've had lots of time to talk,

celebrate, cry, pray and simply "be".

God is already showing us so clearly that He is Sovereignly in

control...that He is good even as we struggle with the uncertainties before

us....that He is the one who upholds us as we wait for further news.  He is teaching me to keep my eyes on His

truth and His power...to not trust in my own strength or emotions or

abilities...He is humbling us and then lifting us up in His strength.

we are praying for life...that we would meet this little one in the delivery

room in May...and yet, we are also setting our hearts on the reality that He is

God...that He is good...and that He is our Lord regardless of what He chooses

for this pregnancy.  we have already been

incredibly blessed by the love of the body of Christ...the community...our

friends and family...and even you, my blog-land friends.  we would covet your prayers in the coming

days...prayers for this baby, prayers for our faith, prayers for the witness

and testimony we will have regardless of the outcome of our ultrasound tuesday.

and that my friends brings me back to typing from my couch.  my sweet husband quickly realized that blog-land

and e-mail access might make the couch ridden days go by more quickly (since

the computer is upstairs...a trek i can only make once a day!)...and so he

figured out how to hook our wii internet browser up and a keyboard...and

voila....back in the internet business.

a big thanks to my mom who was able to come down and chase the girlies

and clean our house...my sweet friends who have offered to help at any

time...mike's parents who came by today with lunch and a wee birthday

celebration for elizabeth (who turns 3 in just 4 short days!)...and so many

other blessings along the way.  as we go

along i am keeping a journal of "thanks in the trial"...wanting to

focus on what blessings and lessons God might have for us in this

time...already its pages are filled with some sweet and incredible goodness in

the midst of some adverse times.  we

trust Him...and we pray that as we go through this we would bring glory and

honor to Him.



       much love....amanda :)

ten smile tuesday...

this is a deviation from my normal smiles...mostly just our smiles in pictures. i will probably be absent from blog-land for the next week but wanted to post some snippets of the past week first. as i am able i will pop by to visit you all.