{passionate}

leslie over at "my happily ever after" posed a tremendous question today...what are you passionate about? it was an audience participation type question...and i've decided to participate. actually, it is interesting that she would choose to post that question at this particular time. she made mention of how our blogs somehow tend to cut to the nitty-gritty--the moment by moment trials, joys, struggles, questions...the trivial and the significant. i guess i hadn't thought about it all that much, but quite frankly those who read my blog may know me better than some of the friends i have known for years outside of blog world. you blog readers know my weekly smiles...you see the day in and day out pictures of my family...you get my random tidbits and thoughts...and i get to savor the same glimpses from your life. but i digress a bit....

perhaps i should finish my first thought...that it is rather interesting leslie should pose that particular question at this particular time. though i hadn't necessarily been using the word "passion", this is something that has been rolling around in my mind quite a bit as of late. perhaps because i have been a bit off kilter...feeling caught up in the day by day....the cooking, cleaning, diaper-changing, story reading...i think you know what i mean. it isn't that those are bad things...in fact, i think they are wonderful things, things that are supposed to be a part of who God has created me to be...but i think i have been missing the big picture...the piece of the puzzle that fits them all together.

what am i passionate about? what should i be passionate about first and foremost? God. plain and simple. God. my Lord. my Savior. Jesus.

lately...and when i say lately i don't mean just this past week...no, it definitely goes back further than that. lately, i see how my focus has slipped. i have been spending my energy on the people and stuff in my life....on the tasks at hand....on my involvement in groups...and on and on. while i recognize that is a huge part of how i am to live out my faith...it is not the core. i cannot be a great wife without a passionate focus on the God who create me, who called me to Himself, who set the example of how to live and love and serve and sacrifice. a clean house and warm dinner is in vain if i come to the table with a weary, joyless heart. i have nothing to give to my daughters, nothing of worth to teach them if i do not first sit at the feet of my Lord...being refreshed, challenged, encouraged, and instructed. my service in ministries or groups is in vain if it is not motivated by my love for Christ. if i do not keep my passions focused on Christ, then all else fails....i grow weak and weary. and friends, that is where my heart is right now...weak and weary, tired...not necessarily because of any particular thing...simply because i have allowed my passion to become dry. and yet even in the mundane, the day to day, the struggles, God calls us to take pleasure it in....to be filled with a passion for Him as we go through those moments. ecclesiastes 3 talks about the many "seasons" there is a time for...some joyful, some sorrowful, some easy, some hard...and yet, regardless of the season, it says this, "I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat, drink, and take pleasure in all his toil--this is God's gift to man" (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13).

so, what am i passionate about? right now, not much. what do i want to strive with all of my heart to make my one and only consuming passion? worshipping, loving, serving, following my King. it is one of those prayers you cringe before praying...because who knows what God might choose to bring into your life to accomplish His purpose, but truly this is my prayer....that God would strip me down that i might find my everything in Him once more...that He might do to me as He did to the house of Israel in Ezekiel 36:22-38--"I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." (v. 26) oh how i long for parts of my heart that have been cluttered and hardened to be crumbled...that my love and passion for Christ would be made new.

amazingly enough, right now the song "i need thee every hour" is playing on my CD player in the background. appropriate i suppose...perhaps the passionate prayer my heart needs to lift up to God right now.

I Need Three Every Hour

I need thee ev’ry hour, most gracious Lord;
no tender voice like thine can peace afford.
I need thee, O I need thee, ev’ry hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee.

I need thee ev’ry hour;
stay thou nearby;
temptations lose their pow’r when thou art nigh.
I need thee, O I need thee, ev’ry hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.

I need thee ev’ry hour, in joy or pain;
come quickly and abide, or life is vain.
I need thee, O I need thee, ev’ry hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.

I need thee ev’ry hour;
teach me thy will,and thy rich promises in me fulfill.
I need thee, O I need thee, ev’ry hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.

I need thee ev’ry hour, Most Holy One;
O make me thine indeed, thou blessed Son.
I need thee, O I need thee, ev’ry hour I need thee;
O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.