He cares...

i just had one of those moments...i've read enough of your blogs to know that i'm not the only one who has them. i also know the Bible says (in 1 Cor. 10:13) i'm not alone....that no temptation has seized except that which is common to man...that He is faithful...that He won't let it be more than i can bear (even when it feels like it might be)...AND that even better, He will provide a way for me to stand up under it (and quite honestly, i am clinging to that truth right now!).

on the news, on the radio, splashed across the newspaper we are seeing the devastation of the earthquake in Haiti. we are hearing death tolls...reading of homeless people...knowing that people who already had next to nothing, now have even less. and it truly does put my daily struggles into perspective. and yet...my daily struggles haven't gone away...as petty and small as they are in comparison, they are still there. i have spent a lot of time in the past 24 hours wrestling with just that...my petty small problems...the devastation of a widespread tragedy like the earthquake in Haiti. and you know...i keep coming back to the reality that even though they are small in comparison, God still cares about my daily struggles. He cares...period. yes, we definitely should be praying and doing whatever we might be called to in the way of helping Haitians (and others in crisis)...we should be keeping in mind the many, many blessings in all of our lives...but, friends, let us not trivialize our personal struggles. they are real....and no matter how small God cares.

anyway...back to my moment. friends, i am NOT and will most likely NEVER be classified as a clean freak. while i like the feeling of sitting in a nicely organized clean room, i don't enjoy the process. i truly enjoy going to friends' houses (even the ones that have kids too) and gazing upon the majesty of their sparkling kitchen countertops...you know, the kind that aren't stacked with miscellaneous, doesn't have a home, random "stuff"...or one too many kitchen appliances. and, honestly, i want that to be my kitchen. but alas...it isn't. mine is the house with one too many toys strewn across the floor...a kitchen sink that doesn't stand a chance of being completely empty for more than 10 minutes...a refrigerator top and counters with "stuff" stacked here and there. i remember my parents teaching me when i was younger, "just put it back as soon as you are done with it"...a lesson that would work fabulously if half of the stuff had homes to begin with....a lesson that would be fabulous if my children grasped that concept fully. but much of the "stuff" is still looking for a home...and my kiddos, well, bless their little hearts, they just don't get it. and honestly, most of the time i am able to put into perspective the reality that right now there are more important things than a spotless and organized kitchen...or house, for that matter. and other times i pridefully (just as "wrong" as going the other direction in my thoughts) think of all the people i know whose kitchen (or bathroom or whatever-room) is messier than mine...people who i have it so much MORE together than...oh, even typing that hurts...the reality of my sinful, prideful heart...ick!

and then there are other moments....moments when a myriad of different things set it off...the tension mounts...i dream of what i would like things to look like if they would just behave. like this morning, standing in the middle of my kitchen after taking a loaf of bread out of the oven, surveying the "wreckage" of the countertops, and i began attempting to tame the madness while jillian napped and the big girls played in the playroom upstairs. i had about four minutes of peace, and then....girls clamoring for lunchtime (even though they'd just finished a snack moments before)...mugho rooting behind the trashcan trying to reach a rogue carrot that snuck out of the trashbag...and SNAP...there i am...yelling at the dog, tears streaming down my face, elizabeth and kate looking at me like i was a complete lunatic...completely having lost balance.

as i stood in the bathroom (with the door locked for one moment of aloneness) composing myself, it hit me like a wave. He cares. He cares about this struggle of mine...this temptation to let my priorities wander...the temptation to compare myself to others....the temptation to lose focus on what is most important in life, HIM. He cares...and He walks with me through it. and...while i am crying out to him over things like the homeless, injured, lost people in Haiti, i need never forget that He wants me to cry out for my daily struggles. He wants me to cry out to Him for wisdom, for help, for guidance, for TRUTH...He wants me to cast ALL my concerns upon Him....whether it be concern over potty training or kitchens or natural disasters. He is THERE....and He is just as much there with me in my kitchen on a thursday morning as He is in Haiti on that same thursday morning.

wow!

it hit me so powerfully that i just had to sit down and write about it...my stream of concious as i processed it...because, truly, that is the best way for me to process. and here it is...for all of you to read. yes...the "stuff" is still strewn about the countertops...actually, it is even messier since i had started trying to tackle it. and yes, i am still determined to make progress on those countertops...but this time with His help...and not because i need to be as good as a friend with a clean kitchen. and not until i get some lunch for my hungry little monkeys...which is what i am going to do right now!